Brave Sean soldiers on

Gavaghan, 64 and 3/4's last May, speaking from his Mayo hideout, said he was 'happy to be alive' and 'ready for action'. Exactly what kind of 'action' is unknown at this time but sources close to the hero suggest it may involve 12 kinds of lubrication and a book of adult themed, Austrian stamps. Gavaghan, over the hill, has appeared on many popular Irish crime shows including Gavaghan Again, CrimeWatch, and Mayo Hardmen: The untold Story, and is a familiar face to watchers of primetime television.

But now Gavaghan, 14, will be forced to watch television from the confines of his exclusive hideaway after his act of supreme bravery wowed the Western World and briefly entertained the East.

Calm Before the Storm

The amazing story began during Connolly's team trip to Aberfeldy. After an enthusiatic game of charades on the Friday night, during which the awesome pairing of Declan Collins (Connolly's member and club fashion director) and Eamonn Scanlon (Connolly's member and ex club dance-off king) beat off fierce competition from Ger Jennings (Connolly's member and tractor fan) and Charlie O'Donnell (Connolly's member and lies about his age) with Scanlon's modern dance interpretation of 'A Night At The Roxbury', the team retired to bed to catch up on some badly needed sleep.

Waking early on the Saturday morning, the team went for a quick 8-mile run and followed this up with an oat-meal and orange juice breakfast. Canyoning and cliff-jumping were the order of the morning and Gavaghan says that he felt 'ill at ease' and 'uncomfortably gaseous down below' all morning.

After a light lunch and a quick seven-a-side tournament, which would lead the team to win the Annual Scottish Seven-A-Side Championship on Sunday the 23rd of July, the guys headed off to 'hit the rapids' and 'surf some white'.

When Animals Attack!

Split into four groups, the teams natural cohesion was lost, and others sought to capitalise on this weakness. Little did they know that Mr. Gavaghan was on form and ready for whatever nature could throw at him, 'i really knew something was wrong..........strange rumblings.......noxious smell.......... my arse'.

Vicious tearing of the skin is
common in Shark attacks and carpet burn incidents

Eye witness Enda Maloney (Connolly's member and all-round nice guy, just ask his girlfriend, 07873 756 3535), witnessed the whole event. 'i was standing behind some bushes, minding my own business when I saw a massive bear on top of the cliff. He laughed and pointed at Mick Fallon (Connolly's member and '2005 most improved player of the year') before pushing a huge pile or pointy rocks, all sharp and stuff, down on him'. Seeing his team-mate in peril, and just having zipped up his trousers, Enda leapt to Mick's aid. Quick enough to save his team-mate from certain death, but not quick enough to stop Mick suffering a torturous blow to the hand (requiring a whole paper stitch). Enda blames this on the extra 4 miles he did in the morning because 'i'm so fit and much better than everyone else, I think I'll go play for Edinburgh Harps, but don't print that OK'.

Fighting Spirit

Enda carries on 'Trying to capitalise on Mick’s sudden weakened state, the bear surged immediately towards him. But the Bear had not taken account of the mighty ‘all for one, one for all’ spirit of the Connolly’s gang. Seeing my comrade in danger I jumped to his aid just managing to get Mick out of the way but, horror of all horrors, I got caught myself'.

Enda was unlucky as the Bear managed to crush his toe, inflicting massive internal bleeding to the footballing appendage.

Toes: not normally purple

At this point the reporter had to defend himself as Enda fearlessly demonstrated his punching combination for the benefit of those around. After calming Enda down, we got him to go on.

'The Bear at this point sensing he had taken on more than he had bargained for, decided that assistance was called for. He texted his mate the Shark who quickly arrived without as much as a splash. By then Dan Hickey (Connolly's member and kung fu expert) had arrived to further back up his comrades. The shark sensed the threat and immediately went for Dan. Grabbing Dan in his razor sharp teeth, he set about doing what he had done to millions of others before, making Spaghetti Bolognese of him.

Dan Hickey still wakes up
at night fully dressed and screaming

Destined For Greatness

Sean Gavaghan, 34, who had been watching from afar until this point, sprinted towards his comrades in danger. 'i knew this was my chance, i knew that a cosmic force had put me on this planet to come to my team-mates aid.............or something like that, maybe'.

Not considering his own safety for a moment, Sean dived straight towards the Shark. As he fought with every ounce of strength he possessed, Gavaghan was for all, alone amongst friends. Not sure if ever he would see his beloved Audi TT again (or Cathy), Gavaghan struggled on valiantly. As he drove the knife one last time into the Shark and watched the last bit of life drain from its body, he dived the further 70 feet to where Dan had been and took him to safety.

The Shark: Identity withheld to protect his family
from reprisals

Hero Worship

Enda finishes 'Eventually we all reached the shore where a large crowd had gathered and were admiring Sean's wonderous physique and chanting his name. Sean admitted "i am secretly shattered and am glad the whole thing is over, but now I have to keep up my heroes persona because I'm an idol now'. On that thoughtful note we left Sean Gavaghan staring thoughtfully out over the water. He looked like a man who had been hit by the furious weight of responsibility or if you will, a man who was out the night before and can't find his keys.

As our reporter headed up the road, away from this group of everyday heroes he heard a voice cry out 'Back to hostel and time to get naked', which was greeted with a rapturous cheer. Amazing men indeed.

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